DOOMSDAY PROVISIONS • REIMBURSEMENT AUTHORITY • BEANS EST. EVENTUALLY

Office of Pantry Preparedness · Division of Questionable Purchases

Doomsday Provisions Reimbursement Authority

Public Notice

The Great Bean Bailout: The DPRA will bail out the Most Unhinged Bunker Receipt of the recent prepping frenzy.

Last week, the nation stocked up. Some of you stocked up more than others. The DPRA's official contest is now open, and our judges are looking for the single most magnificent receipt to emerge from the frenzy. It may be sitting in your pocket right now.

The DPRA regrets that it reimburses nothing. It does, however, hand out ceremonial bailouts.

How to enter

  1. 1
    Snap your receipt. The longer, the better. Curling is acceptable.
  2. 2
    Cover your private info. Hide your card digits, name, address, and loyalty number. The judges want your beans, not your identity.
  3. 3
    Post it on X or Instagram with #BeanBailout. Public posts only. That is your entire entry.
Enter on X: post your receipt

Prefer Instagram? Public Instagram posts tagged #BeanBailout are entries too. No forms, no uploads. This site never collects, uploads, or stores anything.

Entry deadline: November 30, 2026, 11:59 PM Pacific. Free to enter, no purchase necessary. See the Official Rules.

Schedule CAttachment to Notice DPRA-BB-2026

Schedule C: Bailout Award Categories

Entries will be judged in the following categories with the full gravity this agency does not possess.

  1. Category C-1

    Most Beans per Capita

    Awarded to the household with the highest ratio of cans to residents. Pets count as residents. Houseplants do not, despite petitions.

  2. Category C-2

    Least Defensible Purchase

    For the line item our judges stared at the longest, then stared at again, then quietly labeled "bold."

  3. Category C-3

    Largest Single-Item Quantity

    One product, an alarming number of units. Judges will verify the count by squinting.

  4. Category C-4

    Best Bunker Justification

    Honors the most persuasive explanation for why this cart was, in fact, a survival plan. Caption, quote post, or a strongly worded thread all qualify.

  5. Grand Prize

    Strategic Bean Reserve of the Year

    The highest bailout this fictional agency can bestow. Reserved for the receipt that best captures the spirit of the recent prepping frenzy: bold, bulk, and deeply committed to legumes.

One entry may be considered for multiple categories. The Deputy Assistant Commissioner of Legumes reserves the right to be impressed.

Unofficial Preview

Preview Your Entry

See how the judges might score your receipt before you post it. Everything below runs in your browser only. Nothing is uploaded, sent, or stored, and this preview is not an entry.

Schedule A: Judging Notes
Scored favorablyCanned goods, freeze-dried lasagna, 72 rolls of toilet paper, one emotional support rotisserie chicken.
Counts as beansCanned chili counts as beans for scoring purposes. Bean-less chili will be judged harshly.
Judged with suspicionA fourth Costco hot dog "for morale."
TiebreakerBeans. Always beans.

Judging notes are guidance only. The judges remain unpredictable.

Form DPRA-BB-1Rev. 11/2026 · Unofficial Preview

Entry Preview Form

Unofficial preview only. Fields marked * are required.

1 About You
2 About the Receipt
3 Why This Receipt Deserves an Award
4 Receipt Photo

Processed in your browser only. Never uploaded, never stored.

This preview is unofficial. To enter, post your receipt publicly with #BeanBailout, with your card digits, name, address, and loyalty number covered.

See Schedule B: DPRA Approved Provisions